Since publication, I’ve entered into a new domain..Sort of..I’ve had to manage and maintain an online presence, it has been a pleasure at times, not so much at others, I’ve had to be sure to thoroughly revise absolutely everything I’ve put out there because people are reading and watching, and I’ve learnt how to take criticism of ALL kinds. I believe and have said before that there is no such thing as negative criticism, if someone does not like your work, fine, if someone loves your work, fine, if someone has something constructive to say, then you can only benefit from that, it depends what is said, and how you take it but the worst thing you can do is not act or continue to repeat mistakes that have been pointed out to you prior, but I digress. In doing this, I’ve slowly woken up to the fact that this project isn’t just a sketch on the back of a receipt, it’s not a College project or a manuscript anymore, it is something that has grown up, transformed, something that has evolved once it graduated from drafts, into a Kindle and into a Hardback, and people are reading, a lot of people are reading in fact and it is one of the best feelings in the world, I get messages almost everyday from those who are following. Most who read are in fact friends, mutual friends and family, I love waking up to positive messages from people I’ve not spoken to in ages, or getting the odd few throughout the day that brightens my day at work. It is very touching and I thank all of you for taking an interest and the time to contact me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, your time spent reading my stuff is greatly appreciated. There is a wide percentage however who are reading whom I’ve never met before, who are complete strangers. Most people so far like it, if not love the work I’ve put out, I haven’t really received anything negative other than the odd seriously sensitive person who thinks it is too violent or certain scenes are too graphic, I do take this into consideration none the less, but when people read, they like to be transported into that world not of our own, and it is my job as a writer to paint the most vivid picture possible to ease the transition, and if it so happens I am talking about a battle sequence involving men with sharp melee weapons, the results are not going to be pretty, are they? You can also flip the script here and describe a sex scene between two characters, there are people out there who are perfectly fine with swords entering bodies, but not okay with a males piece entering a female. In these situations you just have to let that sort of thing slide and just carry on with the work, because no matter what you do, you cannot please everyone. There is an age restriction on the book, there is adult content, do not let your children read if you are a parent or guardian, and please if you have a complaint, be sure that it is a genuine concern and not something silly like the sex scenes are too graphic. I actually re-read such scenes as few as they are and they are not exactly that explicit, more suggestive than anything and romantic. I am proud of them and would not ever change them. Never the less, a few weeks ago I got a call, a call from a young girl, I think her name was Emily or Emma, I forget the signal was pretty weak, and she said she had been reading Episode One – The Utopian Dream. One of the first things I said to her was ‘Are you old enough to be reading? The book is more for grown ups.’ She said very little about herself, but what she did want to talk to me about was something I’d never talked of before. She loved my main protagonist, Isabelle, she enjoyed the love story between Isabelle and the Dark Rogue, Teo Liolas. She seemed more interested in the relationship dynamics than anything else I had written about, she even suggested I write less epic fantasy and more love stories; This got me thinking about this next post. It’s February, Valentines Day is round the corner, hence I thought I’d talk about something a little meaningful and pretty complicated, a topic that embraces so much.
I’ve been writing on this Blog for over a year now, it is actually coming up to two years since I opened it, time seriously does fly, it is crazy! Yesterday I was a twenty-four year old, working up a story, going to the cinema once a week with my best friend Fenix and occasionally going out with all sorts of people doing ill-advised things, things that usually involved a high cliff, a rough sea below it and that wonderful thing called gravity to take control. Now, I am thirty, I’ve seen so much more of the world since, my skills in story structure, my creativity has tripled, I am working on so much and my views on life, self-growth and wisdom have broadened, and people still call me a baby, it’s great. I’ve written about so many topics since this Blog opened though, the subjects mainly centred around my book work of course, but I’ve varied it from time to time to talk about other things, such as life goals, favourite video games, films and books. I’ve responded to other Blog posts, revealed excerpts of the current project, shared encounters I’ve had with companies, the most recent one being the scam artists Voyage Media. I’ve talked about a few of my adventures but not once have I EVER talked about one of the most powerful human emotions we can experience..Love..I will not say it is THE most powerful emotion out there, it certainly ranks within the top three without a doubt, and it is so very important to try to understand and recognise..No, I will leave you to guess which feeling IS the most potent or at least the one which I think is the most powerful within a human being till the very end of this post. Yes, the idea is to keep you reading till the end, come on if I was not familiar with this simple anticipation tactic I wouldn’t be very good at what I do, and I want to be the best at this fantasy story game. I am not going to deny it and I believe I can be one of the best, I believe anyone can be the best at what they do if they are determined enough and try, using their passion, their strength, even if it just for a brief moment in time you cannot stop doing what you feel like you are here to do, you cannot give up, you have to keep fighting and overcome whatever barriers get in your way in order to reach your goals, to be the best person you can be. Not only will I talk about love and what it means to me, but I will share with you a few pieces of music that helps stir up this emotion in me, they are best heard with headphones, in a quiet room without interruptions. These are tracks special to me, and I hope you will be able to relate. Let me know what you think of them using the contact info below, I’d love to hear your thoughts on them and on what I share with you in this article; If you’d like to share with me which emotion resonates the strongest inside you, please get in touch, tell me why I am wrong perhaps, but for now, let’s get on with; ‘For Me – What is Love?’ I’ll also dive a little into Valentines Day, talk about relationships and share my own quirkiness that I hope you find interesting.
Before I’ve even started, already I’ve hit a wall and gone a bit cross-eyed. Where does one even begin to answer this question? How can one actually put this feeling of love into words? It encompasses so much, it is unreal! I guess, after a lot of coffee and thought, staring up at the ceiling, gazing dreamily into my stuffed Imp (my soft toy) I figured the best place to start is to define it. I checked the dictionary and it says:-
Love – Noun
- A strong feeling of affection.
- A great interest or pleasure in something.
Love – Verb
- Feel deep affection or sexual love for someone.
Of course, the definitions go on and on in extensive detail, so much detail in fact that if I had shared them all, it would have filled up a whole A4 page, but the noun and verb written above sums it up pretty accurately for most to understand, in as few words as possible. Don’t worry, I am not going to sit here and write you up a clinical evaluation on such a universal feeling, although Rick Sanchez from Rick and Morty makes a pretty funny assessment of it in Season One, Episode 6 – Love Potion, one of my favourite episodes of this genius cartoon. I hope to not bore you with other people’s written definitions revolving around logic and reason, because love is a little divorced from these two words in the first place, we’ve all caught ourselves in a crazy position acting on loves impulses and thought; “What the hell are you doing?” or “This is insane!” It makes us behave in very strange ways, sometimes makes us say and do foolish things, it can get us into trouble, cause us to act daft, irrational and at times just plain stupid, but it also can have the opposite effect. Love can focus us, it can get behind the wheel and drive us, give us a strength we never thought we had, enabling us to do extraordinary things and perform heart warming gestures. Just after writing the last few sentences it has made me re-evaluate what I had initially wanted to say, and I’ve had to go back and re-do this post. Realise that love is just..Strange..Effecting each and every one of us in vastly different ways and I do not need to tell you that every person you meet, and happen to see along your great human journey is different, different to everyone else due to a HUGE amount of factors! There are many ways to love, many different forms of love and they do vary; For example, I love my parents, I love my hat, my Imp and I also love a handful of my friends, the wording is the same but the meaning attached to each sentence is different. I do not love my hat in the same way I love Imp or my Mum and Dad, I do not love my friends in the same way I love my nephew who turns four this year, or someone I am intimate with. So there are indeed many forms in which this emotion takes. I am going to write about what I think love is however, what I think it means from my perspective, from a straight males perspective, a man in love with a woman. If you happen to be a woman who is interested in women or if you are a gay man who loves other men, this article also relates to you, but because I am lazy, I am not going to change the pronouns around okay, you’ll have to do that part yourself when they fail to pop up because as I said, I am a bit lazy, I type quickly and have a lot of things to do today. I believe whole heartedly that love expressed between gay people is the same love expressed between straight couples, that is the way I have always seen things. If anyone disagrees with this, then you can disagree, you are free to do so, although I do not share this way of thinking and suggest you think about changing your psychology. I strongly suggest you talk to gay couples, listen to them and you will see that what they say, what they share with their significant others, is no different to how a man cares for his woman or a woman cares for her man. With all that aside, this is what love means to me. Enjoy.
Love is indefinable, it is something no one word can properly define, something that science cannot measure and value or maths can put a number on, it’s an expression, a human emotion. It is a connection, a unique feeling deep within you, an invisible bond you build and share between you and your partner. One way to describe the feeling is, that it feels like going home or returning to the familiar, at least that is part of it, there is so much it entails it would be impossible to list them all, it can appear in a smile, the simplest of gestures, a kiss or even a light touch. Another way to put it is; It’s an attachment, an attachment that can bend, sway, rise, fall and can sadly in some circumstances, break. I’ve felt and experienced my fair share of success’ and failures and believe me when I say, there are positives that can be found within the negatives. You can grow from unpleasant experiences and from loss and even if it does not feel it at the time, you will rise to be more than what you were after a loss, a better version of yourself so to speak. For those of you who are young, and have not experienced the strains and pulls of this bewildering emotion, I can tell you that it can hurt, it can hurt beyond any pain you have ever felt. You can suffer in ways that you cannot imagine, its torture in some moments, but please, do not let this deter you, if it hurts so much, if you are in pain over a great loss, it is a reflection of how much you cared, it means you are capable of loving someone, in some ways what you are experiencing in the moment is a poetic tragedy, a beautiful sadness, and this sadness comes with life and the human experience. What I mean when I say this; Is that nothing will motivate you more when you are loveless, it will hurt, it will make you ill, it will fill you with all sorts of negative emotions and you’ll literally feel like death, but like a caterpillar hides and withers away, it eventually emerges from its cocoon into something far greater than it once was, grows wings, develops colour and takes flight, in time so shall you. It is okay to feel depressed, it is okay to feel angry and to punch a hole in the wall risking the bones in your hand, do what you need to do to heal from a loss, but do not bury it, because it won’t go anywhere, it will only manifest and grow like a sickness, you have to let it out. There is a saying out there, ‘It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.’ What really matters though is what comes along with love’s connection, and what you’d give to hold onto that connection, because what comes with being human is the knowledge that we are all organic, sadly we all will die someday, the lights will go out, and our experiences while alive on this beautiful planet are finite. With this in mind, ask yourselves this question; What is the most precious thing you can give someone else? Have a think before you read on … If your answer was a diamond ring, the new XboxOne console, a mountain of chocolate, a bottle of whiskey or a Pony, I am sorry but you’re wrong (although the new XboxOne would be great). No, the greatest gift you can give someone else, is the gift of your time. Our time here is valuable, spend it with the right person, spend it with someone who wants you around, who gets excited to be with you, who shares and embraces your interests, who would do anything to make you smile, who would not only look after you when things are getting you down, but someone who looks after and takes care of themselves.
Because our time is so limited, this goes to reason as to why I encourage EVERYONE to do away with what others ‘think’ you should do! (Yes, it’s ranting time!) I am here to tell you that you do NOT need to be married by the age of twenty-five! Marriage is nothing more than a contract that allows the Government into your relationship anyway, but that is a rant for another time. You do NOT need to go to University in order to be successful! You do NOT need to have a fast car, wealth or a banging career to make a lasting impression! You do NOT need any of that, all you need is a brain in your head and a tongue in your mouth, do the things that you want to do, do something that inspires you, that elevates you, that encapsulates who you are as a person and share it with the world, be proud of it…Or…Keep it to yourself if that is what makes you happy, not everything needs to be made public. For all of you who are alone today or have been alone for a long time, trust me when I say, you do NOT need to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend in order to be happy, this could not be so far from the truth. Being alone can strengthen you in more ways than you can imagine, being able to depend on no-one but yourself is admirable. Embracing your own independence is not something everyone can do, in fact not many can handle it and chase after partners, but it is a sign of power and to my mind is the sexiest thing someone can put on display, independence. In spite of what you ladies may think of us guys, it is not I repeat it is NOT just about a good set of legs, a sweet-smelling perfume, colourful eyes and a figure shaped similarly to an hour-glass all fitted nicely inside a red silk dress, no, it is actually all about behaviour, positive personality traits and how you carry it and how you express it. Empathy, compassion, humour without complete humiliation, intelligence, witt, ambition…Embrace these things, let them shine for no one but yourself and others will notice. Love is about giving, love is about being playful and having fun. Loving someone else is more to do with sharing your happiness together, if you get into a relationship while miserable within yourself, that other person may stick with you for a little while, you may start out just fine because being with someone is exciting, but sooner or later you are going to need to fall back onto yourself and your own life, and if you were unhappy to begin with, nothing your partner can do will relieve that feeling, and she may leave you because without even knowing it, you have become so dependant on them as a source of happiness, you’ll suffocate them for affection, you’ll come across as needy and this is not a desirable thing. In short, you have to be content within yourself first, you have to be fine by yourself first before you even think about building a life with someone else, because building a life with another human being is not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, it is hard, it is so very hard dealing with your own issues let alone another set. Along the way, you will not only be given gifts of joy, happiness and pleasurable times but you WILL stagger and fall from time to time, you will feel waves of sadness and unhappiness and depending on the man or woman you have chosen (and you must choose them everyday) they will help pick you up, they will stick by you, they will help you through thick and thin, they will communicate with you, and they will respect you. You cannot love someone without respecting them, you simply cannot lose self-respect, it is as vital as trust in one another. Do not go into this thinking that they will always be there for you, they are not your mother or elder sister, they will help you but you must be able to help yourself if your love will survive the test of time.
Love can sometimes be about the bigger picture, sometimes you’ll find yourself in a situation with someone where you both have those same feelings for one another, but the circumstances just won’t allow it to bloom into something more, this is a sad situation to be in because it is almost like fate won’t have you together. Some of you are probably wondering what circumstances? Well, what if you love a girl who is in a family who hates yours for whatever reason? What if they don’t like you for some bizarre reason and do all they can to stop you two connecting? What happens if you are separated by continents? What if one of you has strong religious convictions? Now, this is where I need to be careful with what I say because if a woman loves you, and if you really love her, then religious convictions, friends, family, distance and whatever else you may want to throw between them, none of that matters, seriously it doesn’t matter! In spite of what the majority will tell you, this is false! I believe that if the feelings are well and truly there, if they are genuine, then you’d both do everything within your power to be together, this is what makes love beautiful, people will fight for it and overcome great barriers to achieve it. I say this because I do honestly believe it AND because I’ve experienced it and witnessed it happen elsewhere, I know that there is something more to it than what Rick Sanchez says, no disrespect Rick. If you are not willing to break the mould, if you are not feeling that urgency, that drive to see her face again, to touch her again, to laugh with her and to just be with her in the present moment again, then the feelings are either not there, they haven’t been given enough time to properly develop, or it quite simply isn’t meant to be. For those of you who do not know what I am talking about or cannot relate to this, just you wait, just wait til you meet that one person out of the billions out there who doesn’t just flip your entire world, but makes it better. That is part of what love is I think, it doesn’t quite make sense, it does warp your own reality and makes you do crazy, spontaneous sometimes even uncomfortable things, but as I said, it is not always sunshine and rainbows, sometimes it is messy, sometimes it is weird and challenging and in the moment you won’t see this, but when you look back in months or years to come, I promise you that those frowns you pulled WILL be replaced with insistent smiling.
A common misconception of love really does test you and reveals who you are as a person underneath. This misconception can take you back to square one, it can reverse everything that you thought you knew about love and cause you to re-think your concepts of what love is – And that is the ability to just let her go…I know, you just said “What?” Give me a chance to explain – The ultimate act of love is contradictory to what most people (and the media) may think, most people hang on for dear life especially when going through a break-up a divorce or a separation of any kind. It is in these moments of panic, fear and stress where our true feelings and real self are revealed. Some people refuse to accept the situation, refuse to move on, they lose all empathy for the other person and turn inward, going against everything that what love stands for. They cling on, they call, they txt, they send endless e-mails and letters all in a desperate attempt to re-connect with that person, while they ignore what their ex-partner needs, disregarding what SHE wants at this moment in time. If for example, someone breaks up with you, or if you were the one who ended things and want them back and she rejects you, you have to respect that, you have to walk away and let her be. I am not saying you should not fight for that relationship, you need to do what you can within reason and understanding your situation, because every situation is different. If you’re in love with her then you will inevitably do what you can to hold on, but you need to know when to stop, you cannot manipulate or force reality to be anything other than what it is – If you do that then you will suffer and worse, she will see through what you are trying to pull and it won’t end well, for she will lose all respect for you and no one can love someone else without respecting them. If you pursue or try to force things to happen in your favour, you’re done, you need to cut that shit out instantly because that is not what love is, in fact it is the complete opposite, you aren’t pursuing them because you really love them, you are chasing them to sooth your own anxiety and this is in part a very selfish act. In doing this you will make yourself sick, you will make yourself crazy and you’ll ruin everything you built with her over the time you were together, forever tainting all of those wonderful memories you made.
Love is not about making anyone do anything; In the beginning you did not make her want you, in the beginning you did not force anything or at least I hope you didn’t because they are awful foundations on which to build a loving relationship. I imagine things happened naturally and slowly progressed as it should, and now it is over you’ve lost the connection and will employ every and all irrational strategies to try to get your way, to sooth that sense of fear, and as tempting as this may be, nothing you do when in this line of thought will work, you need to remain in control of yourself, you need to keep your calm and hold yourself together as best you can. I understand, I really do, it can be hard, the feeling of losing someone, being separated from someone you love is like death and it dates back to when we were small babies, if our care givers left us alone for an extended amount of time, we’d die because we needed them to survive; Anxiety is the urge to DO something to prevent death, so when you are going through a break up, all these old feelings boils up releasing those same anxious feelings, and this causes us to do irrational things, usually in the form of hounding your ex partner to the point of insanity. I get it, I really do, I’ve been there, I’ve done it, I’ve regretted it and apologised for it, but come on, you’re not a baby anymore, kicking and screaming throwing a tantrum is not going to help your situation, it is only going to make it worse. You’re an adult now, you are not going to die without her, let the feeling beat you up for a while, and it will win everyday for a long time, until you catch it off guard one day and knock IT to the floor instead. This is where the phrase ‘turning a corner’ comes from and you should not be afraid of it, even if you still love that person and want things to be different, you gotta get on with things.
Letting someone be happy without you; Letting them be free, living the life they want to live without you, and falling in love with someone else in turn shows that you DO love her, because love isn’t just about you, understand that it is about her also, about her needs, ambitions, her goals and desires, and as hard as this is to hear/read, as hard as this pill is to swallow, if she wants to end things with you or if your relationship breaks down, if you truly love her, you should want her to go off, to be and to do, she is an adult too, and if the situation were reversed, you’d want her to respect your decision. Now, if you happen to be someone in a similar situation to those I’ve just described, who say has displayed manipulative tactics to try to win her back, don’t worry, I was guilty of it too years and years ago, I’ve done some batshit things in previous relationships, things that make absolutely no sense causing me to laugh at myself for doing them at times, but the key thing to remember is that I took those experiences, learned from them and decided to never do that shit again, and life has improved since. Instead, when in those dire moments of loss and doubt, give yourself time alone, be angry, be depressed, be upset, do what you have to in order to rise above it, realise that you are worth something, that you still have so much to offer someone, that you can still live a wonderful life. Also, be happy for her (Unless she did something horrific, like cheat with multiple people or make tea by putting the tea bag in with milk, then fuck her off completely and never look back), the fact that she is still out there, doing things, experiencing things, growing as a person, meeting new and interesting people, living her life, this should bring a smile to your face, and you should also remember to live your life too, you must carry on with your own interests, your own goals and dreams that are centred within your being. This is something you should have been doing even when you were with her, getting into a relationship does not mean you stop being yourself, she accepted who you were, just as you accepted who she was in the start, so it is important you always maintain your own individuality, this independence that makes you, you and unique. Independence is super sexy, a seriously attractive feature.
A little tip, more for the guys but it can apply for women too, and it is about flirting. I’ve seen so many relationships end because typically the guy, cannot handle her flirting with other men at say the club or at a party where you are present, and I feel the need to address this because you can categorise such behaviour under jealous and neediness, the two ingredients that are the main causes for break ups; Women flirt okay, get that into your head, they do it a lot of the time and it fills them with empowerment and a sense of joy, it comes natural to them and no girl I’ve ever met, does not, not want to engage in it from time to time. Obviously kissing and suggestive touching isn’t flirting, unless you are in an open relationship then you need to communicate a few things to your partner, but when it is just harmless talking and laughing with other guys, this is absolutely 100% fine. I suggest guys, that you accept that this is what women do and understand that when she flirts, it does not mean she is going to jump into bed with the guy (or girl) in the next hour, it does not mean she is not thinking of you, because in actual fact she is, and because most guys freak out and get all butt hurt when they see this, in turn losing their emotional self-control, this causes a lot of problems; When you do the opposite however and just hang back, you are displaying confidence and self-worth, why don’t you flirt with the girl standing next to you, your partner will see this, and if you have that bond there, that attachment, that trust, she won’t only see you as more of a catch, but the fact that other women find you desirable makes her love you more. It works both ways but men in my experience, from what I’ve read and seen, exhibit jealousy more than women. So, let your partner flirt with the opposite sex or even the same-sex for that matter to establish a stronger connection with one another. To me, seeing my woman flirt is actually seriously attractive, again the trust needs to be there whole heartily, but when you’ve established this bond and an understanding with one another, seeing her strut her stuff across the dance floor or at any social gathering, seeing all those guys drewling over her should not be seen as a bad thing, it should not cause jealousy or raise any kind of concern, instead I see it as an empowerment, I love seeing the woman I am with flirt with other guys because I know she is safe in her natural element, it is nice to see she is such a catch, it is nice to know that other guys are jealous of our relationship and if nothing else, it makes my partner feel great; Why would you deny this pleasure from her? If it is what she wants to do, let her do it, meet up at the end of the night and laugh about it, compare pick up lines just have fun with the girl who you’re with. Love is playful and fun, it is not serious.
Another thing I’ve heard being flung around especially around Valentines Day which I have participated in, but generally speaking I’ve not really bought into, are sentences like “I need you” or “You complete me.” Lines like this sound sweet on the surface, they sound rather comforting and warm and loving but in truth, they are a little off to me. I don’t know about you but if a woman were to say to me that she ‘Needed me’ that she ‘Couldn’t live without me’, I’d be a little concerned and rather turned off. To me, things like this are a red flag as with all the ambiguous quotes you see floating around on social media, some are quite nice, not all of them are cringy, but most make me want to hide under the stairs and lock the door. If such or similar quotes fit your dynamic, if they speak to you and your partner, then more power to you, share them, send them, speak them, I don’t have a problem with it, but for me, emotional strength is appealing, independence is appealing, kindness, compassion, someone able to see through marketing gimmicks, able to think for herself, to do her thing, someone who is able to be fine WITHOUT me, this is important! Who would want someone who depended on you for a good life? A more attractive prospect would be to be with someone you grow with, someone who doesn’t require you in her life but CHOOSES to be there, so you can learn from one another, even clash with..Yes, arguing is not always a negative thing, actually you could consider it healthy to argue, bicker and disagree from time to time, it would be pretty boring if you agreed on everything, hearing someone else’s opinions and their own points of view regardless if they line up with your own, is interesting, have fun with it, question them learn from them. Simply just talking about things over a coffee or chatting while driving in a car should be moments you look forward to. I’d rather have a woman write on a card something like ‘I don’t need you, I desire you’ or ‘Lets not just grow together in this pot, lets grow in many pots’ or ‘Don’t do anything on Valentines Day, be a slob with me in bed instead.’ These are just a few funny examples I listed quite literally off the top of my head, the idea though is that as vacuous as Valentines Day is, making an effort is not a bad thing, I’d agree by doing something is better than nothing, but do something that is unique to you two, do something that is special to you and your partner, refer to how you two met, think about a special moment you shared, list a few of her favourite things, things she loves and maybe even dislikes, going against the grain, being a bit unromantic can actually be quite sweet and humourous, but be sure you know what you’re doing, you don’t want to have the opposite reaction to what you’re going for. If red roses, love hearts, chocolates and big teddy bears are what you two click over, then Valentines Day is pretty convenient, but for most of us, for those who live in the real world who have partners who do not eat up what is thrown in front of them, do something to match your partners individual traits, make her feel special in her own unique way.
I’ve talked a little on relationships in this post, I’ve thrown in my views on Valentines Day, pointed out some do’s and dont’s in my book of passion, even ventured into the shallow waters of anxiety territory. Maybe I’ll follow-up on this article with another that goes a bit more in-depth with these things, but this has been centred around love. Funny, even after writing all this I still feel like I’ve explained and revealed absolutely nothing, maybe the links below will help, music and visuals can help stir up this emotion. So before I close, before I reveal what emotion is more prominent than love and why (yes I’ve not forgotten about that), I would like to share with you a few scenarios and situations that I feel can say ‘I love you’ without you actually saying it, these are things that should apply throughout the year, not just on one day. Because I am a guy, this is suited more for guys in relationships, but it still works for women and same-sex couples, we are all human at the end of the day, I mean I am only assuming all who are reading this are human, I have met a few cyborgs in my life and cold calculating machines, but on with the scenarios:-
1) If your woman comes home, tired, frustrated, pissed off; Listening to what she has to say is all you need do, don’t try to fix her problems, you wouldn’t like that, just listen to her, contribute but don’t lecture, sometimes venting can be good.
2) If it is a particularly cold night, if you are lucky enough to have a fireplace, chop some wood up, buy some coal and light the fire, keeping her warm at night speaks volumes.
3) Making her a cup of coffee or a tea without her asking for it is always a lovely gesture. Being aware that it has been a while since her last drink or bite to eat and then meeting her needs without her politely asking, this is amazing.
4) Being proactive around the house, like hoovering, being sure things are neat and tidy before she comes home can only be positive. If she has the following day off, if it is the end of the week, running her a bath for when she gets in or simply getting dinner started will be greatly appreciated.
5) Whatever she is doing, it doesn’t matter what (unless she is driving a car or piloting a helicopter), giving her a spontaneous hug or a soft touch she is familiar with, says a lot. You can just be passing each other in the hallway, but brushing up near her or a slight caress on her hand is a nice way to say ‘thinking of you’ without saying anything.
6) Handing her a glass of wine, getting behind her and just massaging her shoulders and neck…I cannot stress this one enough. Learn how to massage, learn a few techniques preferably from a pro, this will benefit both you and your partner, I promise you.
7) Taking her out at random provided her schedule is clear. Don’t tell her where you’re going, just say to her, ‘We are going out in a few hours, be ready.’ The dating does not stop when you’re in a relationship you know, you have to keep romancing her every once in a while.
8) Learning when to shut the fuck up, this definitely applies to both parties. There is a great scene in the film Pulp Fiction, when Vincent and Mia share a silence together, then Mia (played amazingly by Uma Thurman) says something that could not be further from the truth. I’ll leave a link below at the end of this article, check it out because I think we all can agree with what she says.
9) Leave her alone. Guess what guys, she doesn’t want you around all the time, be okay with when she tells you to bugger off, use this time and don’t feel afraid to tell her to remove herself from your presence when you want some space, but the idea is to be able to read the vibe in the room, and act accordingly without the words ever leaving her lips. We all want peace and quiet sometimes, plus the space will make one think of you.
10) Have your own life. Yes fellas, the world does not revolve around her, if you do not have your own passion or ambition in life, your own goal, what exactly are you actually striving toward? She probably has things on the side that she is fascinated in, when you are done talking about those things at the table what do you contribute? Think about that one.
These are just a few things that I think will help benefit you and your partners romantic lives, of course I could write dozens more but I need to go to bed, it is 4am here and I have work soon. Just remember that there is no rule book for this sort of thing, no manual or instruction sheet, you gotta do things for her because you want to do them, not because you think you’ll get something in return, that defeats the purpose of caring in the first place, it is unconditional. For me, providing love for someone I am intimate with, is something that grows the connection and strengthens your bond which is what you want if you want it to last.
Love in such a way that allows the other to feel free, when they are with you and when they are no longer romantically invested with you. No one wants to be held down, no one wants to be told what to do, how to dress, how to act, how to behave, who they can or cannot hang out with and when, what to eat, what to drink, what career or passion they should pursue, this is not a healthy way to be around your partner or with anyone. I see so many guys coercing their girlfriends into doing what suits them…For fuck sake you love this person!? You trust this person!? You share a bond with this person!? You are intimate with this person? Then why in the hell would you want to cage her!? Let her be free and independent, let her be who she is and show it as often as possible. She will shine when you embrace this psychology, she will smile from ear to ear at times when you eradicate any neediness you have or jealous tendencies that linger inside you, she will see the good in you and love you in ways that make you feel like a mountain. There is a lot we can experience in this life, but one of the best feelings in the world is having her love. With her in your corner, you will be the best person you can be and the world will see this.
(1) Malukah – Reignite – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2JtwAwkgxA
(2) Malukah – Frozen Sleep – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBlWKhXaLeA
(3) Halo4 – Original Soundtrack – Green and Blue – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ommLyaaLnc8
(4) Tron Legacy – Original Soundtrack – Father and Son – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_6ppCa_Xks
(5) The Village – Original Soundtrack – What Are You Asking Me – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyUwUW-lRjY
(6) Titanic – Original Soundtrack by James Horner – Unable to Stay, Unwilling to Leave (This music goes best with the actual scene involved. Whenever I think of what love is, this scene truly expresses it – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uFlzTvUnjE )
(7) The Amazing Spiderman 2 – Original Soundtrack: Phosphorescent – Songs for Zula – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK5tjbFrBqs
8) Paul Wagner – Little Ditty – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHWTTLhUZ9I
9) Final Fantasy X Tidus and Yuna Scene – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms9fXm5QKp0
10) Pure Shores – All Saints – The Beach https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfZ6PLvzlVg
Mia’s Profound Speech – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1E2cYCcn64
I guess you want to know which emotion is more powerful than love right? This is the moment you’ve all been waiting for I can tell, and screw you if you skipped to the end just to see this message, I took a lot of time to write this article up and to get it out there before Valentines Day, so I hope you’re happy (Just kidding)…It’s hope…Hope is more powerful than love and I’ll explain why I think that. People can survive without love for a partner, you may be missing a side to ones self but we can evidently get by when we have little to none in our lives. Some people in my circle of friends actually have been without love for years and years, and they are indeed very happy, thriving if I am being totally honest. We cannot get by or survive without any hope, I challenge anyone reading this to find me the man or woman who is completely hopeless. You won’t find them because they do not exist. Hope is the reason why we dig deep during the darkest of times because we know how precious and how valuable it is to survive, it is the reason why we scrounge for a mere drop of hope in the most horrid of situations, because even just a little bit of hope, the tiniest amount can influence the biggest and hardest of decisions. Hope is something we find everyday without realising it, it is what gets us up in the morning, it’s what keeps us fighting when we are at our lowest, keeps us waiting and ticking over day after day for something to happen if we are stuck in a low point. It is when we know for a fact that there is no hope where we really do lose it. Love is powerful, yes, and it can be responsible for some pretty incredible moments in life, moments you will treasure forever and just as equally it can drive you crazy and bring around sorrow even humiliation, and hope is behind both scenarios. When you find yourself at the end of a divorce for example, when there is no love coming your way from anyone, you will get by, it will be hard but you can work through it and hope will be the driving cause, hope that someone more suited for you will love you in the future that makes you leave your house, hope keeps you working toward something you are passionate about, makes you go out when you really do not want to on the off-chance to meet someone special; This is a mild example I know you who is reading can probably come up with something better but it’s true. To get a bit deeper, let’s pretend someone close to you is seriously ill, and the doctors say that there is no hope for him or for her to pull through, terrible situation, love for that person will assist with the fight, you will do all you can to make them as comfortable as possible, although the fight in all parties would be gone. Whereas, if the doctor says “There is a small chance they’ll pull through but it’s unlikely” that small chance does not just become a ‘small chance,’ it blows up and changes the game entirely, and you keep on fighting and holding onto that hope for as long as possible. This is why I feel hope is the stronger of the two emotions. Tell me why I am wrong, tell me what emotion resonates within you the most, I’d like to hear what you have to say.
“Deprive someone of love and they can still flourish finding hidden strengths. Drain someone of all hope and you’ll drain them of the very essences of what makes them, them.” – D.W.Gill
To The Ancestral Odyssey – https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B01JMZ2BE6
Promotional Trailers and Material – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-nc_VEmC27AIz6pP51UVkQ?view_as=subscriber
E-mail – firstname.lastname@example.org
D.W.Gill’s Twitter – @MegasTeque
Malukah’s Twitter – @malukah
Malukah’s Website – https://www.malukah.com/
*I do not own any of the links I’ve shared in this article, they belong to their respective owners and talented creators.
“What people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard and then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it your parents are going to do it, break the cycle Morty, rise above, focus on science.” – Rick Sanchez – Rick and Morty.